Bailey, and her junk

Oh god. I'm one of those.

I have a club card at Petsmart. I can tell you what kind of a poop day yesterday was. For the splittest of seconds I entertained the thought of going to a Doggie Birthday Party tonight.

Who could have done this to me?

Meet Bailey, my gimpy new sidekick!


I got Bailey three weeks ago from the Stockton Animal Shelter, a simply delightful place.


Driving up, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, I was immediately sobered by the sight of this dead animal drop-off point. I had to wonder, how many awkward conversations did the shelter staff have with Dead Animal Droppers before they decided to just install the box?

But past the dead stuff was Bailey. She was in a kennel with her big sister, who -- and I think Bailey would agree with me here -- was a total retard. She kept jumping all over Bailey and spilling stuff and wagging her tail. Seriously, what kind of dog is happy in a death camp like this? Didn't she see the box?

Bailey, on the other hand, must be brilliant, because she was completely miserable. The whole time I was there she didn't budge from this bowl. Come to find out later, that was also probably because she had a busted knee.

But how could you not love that face? Doesn't it just say, "Do what you want, I don't give a shit?" I love that!

After lots of pacing and several phone calls, I decided to take Bailey home. But first, I was told, she had to have her lady bits removed. Yes, it is a legal requirement, if you want to adopt from an animal shelter, to remove the dog's reproductive organs.

Shit. Look, Bob Barker, I'm not a huge fan of tossing puppies into rivers. I probably would have gotten Bailey fixed eventually anyway. I'm just saying, it's WEIRD that we are forced, by law, to render this animal biologically useless. (Of course, once you get thinking, everything about domesticated animals is weird, so I'll move on. Right after I mention that when I picked Bailey up from the vet I was given a piece of paper that declares her sex as "S.")

Anyway, this was sweet, demure Bailey, minutes after I brought her home . . . and two weeks later, the lazy, loose monster she's become.



Eh, let her do what she wants. She's fixed.